Relationships are complex and can unravel for a variety of reasons—some beyond our control, like timing, life circumstances, or fundamental incompatibility. Other times, the breakdown is due to factors we can influence, where our choices and behaviours play a significant role in shaping the dynamics of the relationship. While things like infidelity or jealousy can certainly cause irreparable damage, many of the subtle, day-to-day habits we cultivate can also chip away at the connection we share with our partners. From poor communication to lack of empathy, certain behaviours have the potential to slowly erode trust, intimacy, and happiness. 

Keep reading to explore five common things that might ruin your relationship with your partner and how understanding and addressing these issues can make all the difference between thriving together or falling apart.

 

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5 Things That Could Be Ruining Your Relationship 

 

Not Talking About Finances

While it’s essential to have open discussions about money, how and when you bring up financial issues can make a huge difference. Constantly arguing about finances, or avoiding the conversation altogether, can breed resentment. Money-related disagreements are often about more than just the numbers; they can reflect deeper differences in values, priorities, and expectations. 

When one partner feels like they’re carrying a heavier financial burden or that their contributions aren’t being acknowledged, it can create tension. Not discussing finances can also lead to misunderstandings, causing one person to feel left out of important decisions or unaware of financial stressors. Whether it's about budgeting, saving, or spending habits, not talking about finances openly and respectfully can slowly erode trust and intimacy in the relationship.

 

Not Expressing Your Feelings

Over time, it's easy to fall into the habit of not fully expressing how you feel in a relationship. Whether it's love, frustration, affection, or anger, the tendency to bottle up emotions can create a sense of emotional distance. At the beginning of a relationship, we often express our feelings with enthusiasm—saying "I love you," showing appreciation, or openly addressing our frustrations. But as time passes, we may assume our partner already knows how we feel or think that expressing emotions is no longer necessary.

However, neglecting to communicate your feelings, both positive and negative, can erode connection. When you stop sharing your emotions, it can lead your partner to feel uncertain or disconnected, and they may not know where they stand. Even the "small" feelings, like telling your partner you appreciate them or sharing a moment of affection, help maintain the intimacy of the relationship. If you only express extreme emotions—whether anger or excitement—without the everyday, more moderate exchanges of love and care, your relationship may start to feel less nurturing and more transactional.

 

Nitpicking

A 2023 research  published by the Journal of Family Issues examined the connection between marital satisfaction and being able to forgive your spouse for their transgressions. Couples who took responsibility for their errors and apologised with sincerity were found to have better and longer-lasting marriages.

Nitpicking in a relationship can often stem from deeper issues like a need for control, insecurity, or simply the way someone was raised to pay attention to small details. In some cases, a person might have grown up in an environment where perfectionism was emphasised, leading them to carry that mindset into adulthood and, unfortunately, into their relationships. While it may not always come from a place of malice, constant criticism over minor issues can erode a partner's self-esteem, creating an atmosphere of tension and frustration. This pattern can quickly lead to defensiveness and resentment, as the person being nitpicked may feel constantly under scrutiny.
Moreover, nitpicking can drown out the positive aspects of the relationship.

Instead of focusing on the things that are going well, a partner’s constant focus on flaws or mistakes can overshadow the affection and love that once defined the connection. It can also prevent growth and understanding, as the focus shifts away from empathy and compromise. Over time, the relationship may feel more like an ongoing critique than a partnership built on mutual respect and care. To avoid this, it’s important to practise patience, address underlying insecurities, and prioritise constructive communication over trivial complaints.

 

Lack of Empathy 

One of the most damaging things that can undermine a relationship is a lack of empathy. It's easy to get caught up in your own feelings of frustration, hurt, or unfairness, especially when you feel like you're putting in all the effort. In moments of conflict, it's tempting to see yourself as the victim and your partner as the villain. However, when this mindset takes over, it’s difficult to understand each other’s point of view, which can quickly lead to defensiveness, miscommunication, and even resentment.

When empathy is missing, neither partner feels truly heard or validated, and this can create a significant emotional distance. Without empathy, it’s impossible to connect on a deeper level, and intimacy starts to fade. Each person may begin to feel like their emotions are disregarded, which erodes trust and makes it harder to work through issues together. It’s important for both partners to step back, take a deep breath, and try to understand where the other person is coming from, even if they don't agree. 

 

Talking to Your Friends About Your Marriage 

While seeking support from friends during tough times is natural, discussing marital issues outside of the relationship can have unintended consequences. According to a 2015 study by Journal of Family Issues, confiding in friends about relationship difficulties can affect overall marital satisfaction, particularly for men. The study found that men were generally happier when their wives chose to discuss issues directly with them rather than turning to friends for support or advice. This suggests that when one partner seeks external validation or advice, it may create feelings of exclusion or inadequacy in the other, potentially eroding trust and intimacy. Sharing personal struggles with friends, instead of within the relationship, can inadvertently make the spouse feel less involved in resolving the issue, which may damage the emotional connection.

Additionally, older couples tend to handle conflicts differently from younger couples, often avoiding direct confrontation or discussing issues openly. While this might seem like a strategy to maintain peace, it can also lead to unresolved tensions building up over time.

 

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