A miscarriage is not merely the loss of a pregnancy; it is the shattering of dreams, hopes, and the future that was once imagined. It represents the abrupt end to plans that were woven with anticipation and excitement. For many, a miscarriage feels like a cruel disruption, an unexpected silence after a joyful anticipation, leaving behind a void that is difficult to express in words.

The emotional toll of a miscarriage extends far beyond the physical. It is a deep sorrow that can permeate every aspect of life, as the hope of parenthood, once so vivid, fades into something intangible. It is important to support the ones who are going through this tough phase.

We spoke to Dr. Shreya Chakravarty, psychologist and deputy manager of UR.Life Studios regarding how to support someone dealing with this grief. Keep reading to know more: 

 

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What are some common emotional reactions to a miscarriage that we should be aware of?

Experiencing a miscarriage can trigger a range of profound emotional responses. It is common for individuals to feel a sense of shock, as the sudden loss can be overwhelming. Disappointment may arise, particularly when expectations of parenthood are dashed.

Guilt can also manifest, as individuals may question whether they could have done something differently. Anger may surface, feelings of dysphoria, or disconnection from oneself, can occur as individuals struggle to reconcile their experience.

Anxiety about future pregnancies or the ability to conceive again is common, alongside feelings of depression that may develop in response to the loss. Many also experience a pervasive sense of emptiness as they navigate their grief.

 

Related story: How to Support A Friend Who Had An Abortion

 

How can we help someone who is feeling isolated or guilty after a miscarriage?

Acknowledge the loss: Recognising and validating the loss is crucial. Simply saying, “I’m sorry for your loss,” can make a significant difference. It shows that you understand the gravity of their experience and that their feelings are legitimate.

Provide patient support: Being there to listen without judgement is vital. Allow the grieving individual, especially the mother, to express her feelings without rushing to offer solutions. Sometimes, a simple acknowledgment of their pain is more comforting than advice, creating a safe space for them to share their thoughts.

Encourage emotional expression: It’s important to reassure them that it’s okay to express their pain. Encourage them to talk about their feelings, whether it’s grief, guilt, or anger. This can help them process their emotions and begin to heal, knowing they are not alone in their experience.

Assist with practical tasks: Offering to help with everyday responsibilities can alleviate some of the burdens they may be feeling. Simple gestures, like cooking a meal or helping with household chores, can provide them with the space and time they need to focus on their emotional well-being.

Maintain regular contact: Staying connected with the individual or family is essential. Regular check-ins, whether through a text, call, or visit, can help combat feelings of isolation. It demonstrates your continued support and commitment to being there for them during their healing journey.

 

Related story: Dear UR.Life: I Just Had A Baby And I'm Feeling Stressed and Overwhelmed

 

What should we say (or not say) to someone who has experienced a miscarriage?

 
It is important to choose your words carefully. Don’t use clichés. Avoid using sentences such, “I understand” or “I know what you are feeling or going through” because in reality you actually don’t know as everyone has their own unique way of feeling pain or grief. 
Instead say:
a. I’m sorry
b. I’m there for you
c. Would you like to talk?
d. It is hard and its okay to cry

What not to say
a. It’s God will
b. You are still young so you can always try again
c. Don’t give advice
d. It wasn’t meant to happen
 

Related story: 10 Things Couples Should do When Planning A Pregnancy

 

Are there particular signs that indicate someone may need professional mental health support after a miscarriage?

After a miscarriage, several signs may indicate the need for professional mental health support. These can include significant changes in sleep and appetite, sudden behavioural shifts such as increased aggression or withdrawal, as well as self-harming thoughts, a lack of desire to live, or feelings of hopelessness.

 

What strategies can help someone process their grief, both individually and as a couple (if applicable)?

As an individual: 
a. Allow yourself to experience and express the grief.​
b. Take care of yourself and allow others to take care of you.
c. Reach out to someone, be it friends or family members who can listen and provide support.
d. Consider talking to a therapist or counsellor specialising in grief.

As a couple:

a. Talk and share grief with each other
b. Support each other
c. Accept the way both are feeling, as it will be different

Intervention strategies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Brief Supportive Psychotherapy can provide structured support for individuals dealing with grief. CBT helps by identifying and challenging negative thought patterns, enabling individuals to develop healthier coping mechanisms and emotional resilience

 

Related story: Feelings Mothers Are Afraid to Voice-Anger, Shame, & Guilt

 

How long does the grieving process typically take, and are there any stages of grief that should be watched for?

The grieving process is deeply personal and varies significantly from one individual to another. For some, the emotional impact of a loss may hit immediately, while for others, it can take weeks or even longer to fully feel the weight of their grief. There is no set timeline for how long grief lasts; it can be influenced by various factors, including the nature of the loss and the individual’s coping mechanisms.
Grief often unfolds in stages, which can help us understand the emotional journey we undergo. These stages include:

• Shock
• Denial
• Anger/Guilt/depression
• Acceptance

With compassion, care, and support from loved ones, individuals can navigate through their grief more gently, finding their own path toward healing.
 

Is it helpful for the person to participate in rituals or memorial activities for the loss?

Holding rituals and memorials allow acknowledgement, acceptance, emotional expression and closure for the loss. These rituals are important to channelize and process grief and they also provide an emotional closure for the people affected.

Are there long-term psychological effects of miscarriage that should be watched for?
 Long term psychological effects usually include
1. Anxiety
2. Depression
3. Phobia
4. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

 

Related story: Understanding Postpartum Depression

 

When is it appropriate to talk about trying again, and how can we approach this subject sensitively?

It is advisable to wait till you are physically and emotionally ready to try again. So give yourself and your partner time to grieve and heal. It is always advisable to talk and discuss it among yourselves and do not take this step under pressure.

 

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