Perfectionism is often misunderstood. At its core, perfectionism involves setting high standards and striving for excellence. It revolves around qualities that, in moderation, can be healthy. Healthy perfectionism helps individuals stay organised, conscientious, and goal-driven. It’s about doing your best while still accepting imperfection as part of the learning process.

However, unhealthy perfectionism is something else entirely. It’s driven not by a desire for growth, but by fear. It could be fear of failure, criticism, or not being good enough. It’s rigid, self-critical, and rooted in the belief that anything short of flawless is unacceptable. This type of perfectionism is linked to a wide range of mental health challenges, including chronic anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and eating disorders. It also takes a toll on physical health, contributing to stress-related symptoms such as insomnia, headaches, fatigue, and even weakened immune function.

Unhealthy perfectionism doesn't just make people work harder, it often overwhelms them. Tasks are delayed or avoided altogether out of fear of doing them imperfectly. Over time, this pattern can damage self-esteem and increase the risk of burnout.

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Is There a Link Between OCD and Perfectionism?

There is also a significant overlap between perfectionism and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). While not all perfectionists have OCD, many individuals with OCD experience intrusive thoughts tied to fear of making mistakes or doing things incorrectly, and they may engage in compulsive behaviours to try to neutralise that fear. 

A 2014 study published in Behaviour Research and Therapy found that individuals with OCD tend to score higher on measures of perfectionism, particularly related to concerns over mistakes and doubts about actions. Similarly, perfectionism has been linked to Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and social anxiety, where the fear of negative evaluation or not meeting perceived standards is persistent and overwhelming.

A 2024 meta-analysis published by the American Psychological Association found that perfectionism is strongly linked to social anxiety. More recently, a 2024 study in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy expanded on this, showing that perfectionistic concerns also correlate with symptoms of depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. In other words, striving to be perfect doesn’t just stress us out, but it can seriously impact our mental health.

So why do so many of us fall into this trap? One answer lies in our need for validation. As children, we rely on feedback from parents and caregivers to feel safe and valued. When that affirmation is inconsistent or overly critical, we can internalise the belief that love and approval are conditional. As adults, we may carry that need for validation into our careers, relationships, and social lives, chasing praise, accomplishments, and “likes” as a stand-in for self-worth.

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The Solution: Vulnerability

The antidote to this anxiety isn’t working harder or achieving more. It’s vulnerability. And while that may sound simple, it’s anything but easy. Many of us worry that if we drop the mask, hiding our struggles or worries, people will pull away rather than draw closer. However, vulnerability is a powerful emotion that can lighten our emotional load.

When we allow others to see our real experiences–self-doubt, insecurity, struggle–we create space for authentic connection. We also give ourselves permission to be human.  

Here are a few practical ways to get out of the perfectionism-anxiety loop:

1. Notice the voice of inadequacy

One of the most persistent drivers of perfectionism-fueled anxiety is the inner critic. It is a voice in your head that constantly questions your worth, downplays your achievements, and compares you to others. It whispers that you're not good enough, not far enough, not productive enough. Over time, this voice becomes so familiar that you may not even realise how much power it holds over your mood, motivation, and self-image. When you catch it in action, pause and remind yourself it’s just a thought and not a fact.

The first step is awareness. Start by noticing when these thoughts arise. Pay attention to the tone and content: does it sound harsh, absolute, or shaming? When you catch the inner critic in action, try labelling it. You might even give it a name (e.g., The Critic, The Taskmaster) to help create psychological distance between you and the thought. This makes it easier to recognise that this voice is not you, but that of an inner critic.

Once you've noticed the critic, it's time to practice cognitive defusion. It is a technique from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Instead of arguing with the thought, say to yourself, “I’m having the thought that I’m falling behind,” rather than “I’m falling behind.” This subtle shift helps remind you that a thought is not a fact; it’s just one interpretation of reality

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2. Practice self-compassion

When you catch yourself being self-critical, pause and consider how you would respond if a friend were in your shoes. Speak to yourself with the same understanding and care. Instead of fixating on mistakes, remind yourself that struggling is part of being human and does not make you less worthy. Using kind, reassuring phrases helps to shift your mindset and calm your nervous system. Writing yourself a letter from the perspective of a compassionate friend can also be a powerful tool—it allows you to reflect, comfort yourself, and see your situation more clearly.

Another helpful practice is taking a compassion pause. This means giving yourself a brief moment during the day to check in emotionally, breathe deeply, and acknowledge whatever you’re feeling without judgment. Over time, these short pauses can interrupt negative thought loops and create space for a more supportive inner voice. Keeping a journal can reinforce these changes. Write about times you treated yourself with kindness or when you wished you had. This builds self-awareness and helps identify patterns. Adding meditation to your routine can also support self-compassion. Mindfulness meditation, especially loving-kindness meditation, helps you become more aware of your thoughts without judgment and gently cultivates feelings of warmth and care toward yourself. Even just a few minutes a day can reduce stress and strengthen emotional resilience.

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3. Limit Comparison Triggers

Constant comparison, especially through social media, can distort how we see ourselves and negatively impact mental health. Research in psychology shows that upward social comparison (comparing ourselves to those we perceive as doing better) can lower self-esteem and increase symptoms of depression and anxiety. This is particularly true when the comparisons involve idealised or curated portrayals, such as those commonly seen on social platforms.

According to a study published by the Mental Health Foundation, United Kingdom, frequent exposure to these comparisons is linked to reduced life satisfaction and poorer self-image, especially among women and young adults.

To protect your mental well-being, consider intentionally curating your digital environment. Following accounts that promote authenticity, vulnerability, or personal growth can help counterbalance the perfectionism-promoting content so prevalent online. Research suggests that even short breaks from social media can lead to measurable improvements in mood and focus.

A study from the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that reducing social media use for just three weeks significantly lowered levels of loneliness and depression.

Another effective strategy is to use your awareness of comparison as a cue to shift attention inward. Practising mindfulness, bringing your focus back to the present moment and your own goals, can help you become more conscious of when you're engaging in unhelpful comparison. Mindfulness interventions can reduce the emotional impact of social comparison and improve self-compassion.

4. Redefine success

Reflect on what you value, not what others expect. Let your goals be guided by meaning, not metrics. Ask yourself what makes you feel fulfilled, not just what looks impressive to others. Redefining success means shifting the focus from what looks good to what feels right. Start by reflecting on what you deeply value. What makes you feel alive, purposeful, or at peace? For some, it might be creativity, connection, growth, service, or balance. Write these values down and use them as your personal compass when setting goals or making decisions. Then, ask yourself whether your current definition of success aligns with those values, or whether it’s shaped more by fear, perfectionism, or the desire to impress others.

A helpful practice is values-based journaling. Each evening or week, write about what a successful day looked like; not based on accomplishments alone, but how you felt, how you showed up, and whether you lived in alignment with what matters most to you. Note what energised you versus what left you drained. Over time, this will help you identify patterns and steer your life toward fulfilment, not just performance. Another way to do this is by using a visual map. This is where you define different life areas (career, relationships, health, personal growth) and describe what success looks and feels like in each—not just outcomes, but experiences and values. This broader definition allows room for peace, joy, rest, creativity, and authenticity

5. Try Behavioural Experiments to Challenge Perfectionism

Behavioural experiments are a helpful way to loosen the grip of perfectionism. They work by letting you test out your perfectionistic thoughts and beliefs to see how true they really are, just like a scientist testing a theory. In this case, you get to be the scientist. These experiments involve changing some of your perfectionistic behaviours to see what happens. For example, you might try doing a task you've been putting off (like something you’ve been procrastinating) or stop doing a behaviour you usually rely on (like double-checking everything). It might feel uncomfortable at first—especially if you believe that these behaviours are the only way to succeed or avoid failure.

But by trying out a new way of doing things, you can learn whether your fears are true or not. You may discover that things still go well, even without doing everything perfectly. These small experiments help break the cycle of perfectionism by showing you that letting go of certain habits doesn’t mean letting go of your goals. It may help you reach them more easily and with less stress.

6. Create a Checklist

Chasing perfection can feel like being on a journey with no clear destination—you keep working and reworking without knowing if you’re actually making progress. Perfectionists often struggle to feel satisfied with their work, no matter how much time they invest. The goal of perfection is often vague, which makes it easy to get stuck in a loop of over-editing and second-guessing.

One practical strategy to avoid this is to create a checklist for each task. For example, if you’re preparing a presentation or a client pitch, you might be tempted to obsess over minor details like font styles or punctuation. Instead, a checklist helps keep your focus on clear, essential tasks—like making sure spelling is accurate, key points are clearly communicated, and formatting is consistent.

This can help reduce the urge to keep refining indefinitely. Once every item on your checklist is completed, you have a concrete reason to consider the task done, allowing you to move on with confidence and avoid unnecessary overwork.

7. See the Big Picture

Perfectionism can be incredibly demanding. It often involves a great deal of effort, as well as significant time and energy spent on fine details. While striving for excellence is admirable and can drive high-quality work, it’s important to also consider the trade-offs involved. Time and energy are limited resources, and constantly pushing for perfection can come at the cost of productivity and well-being.

It helps to regularly step back and evaluate whether your efforts are truly adding value. For example, spending several extra hours polishing a presentation may not increase its impact or effectiveness. Instead, focusing on work that creates the most meaningful results can be a more productive use of your time. This may mean being more flexible and less exacting or fixating in certain areas so that your energy and time is reserved and channelised for what matters.

Learning to recognise when a task is good enough and resisting the urge to keep tweaking can be a valuable skill. There’s often a point of diminishing returns, where further effort brings little benefit and only adds to stress. Letting go of the need to perfect every detail allows you to move forward more efficiently and concentrate on the bigger goals.

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