The honeymoon phase of every relationship might be fun and games, but nurturing a relationship in the long term depends on many factors—time, effort, trust, communication, and of course, lots of love. Here is what Upasana Kamineni Konidela has learnt in her ten-year marriage that helps her make her relationship stronger day by day.

 

1. Put in the effort:

Putting in work and time into your relationship is crucial for sustaining a healthy one in the long run. "Marriage is like good health. You have to keep working at it if you want it to be successful", Kamineni Konidela advises. Consistent effort on both sides makes for a smoother road.

 

2. Have a routine:

Quality time is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. Make each other feel loved. Create your own rituals and stick to a semblance of schedule. "Even if it's, like, spending time together, watching TV together—add it as part of your routine, because you really need to. That's how you'll evolve", says Kamineni Konidela, sharing her mother's advice on making sure to have date nights. An article published in the journal Social Indicators Research mentions that the amount of face-to-face spousal interaction is considered to be critically important for marital quality.

 

3. Prioritise your marriage goals:

Juggling the many responsibilities of everyday life, from work to family, can often make your relationship as a couple take the backseat, especially when you have been settled together for many years. "Very few people make marriage goals and commitment a priority", says Kamineni Konidela, advising to try putting your love first sometimes. Communicate with each other openly, and make sure to mindfully savour the good moments together to keep the spark alive.

 

Related Story: 5 Things A Psychologist Wants You To Prioritise In A Relationship

 

4. Don't be scared of challenges:

Kamineni Konidela says, "People say marriages are made in heaven. No, actually, they aren't. They're actually made by a lot of effort by two people on Earth". Don't get hung up on the idea of effortless perfection in marriage. Like everything else, couples have their ups and downs, but being realistic and working calmly on your issues can be the key to a lifetime of togetherness. It is upto your partner and you to put in work to define and build your marriage on your own terms.

 

5. Be respectful and accepting of each other:

"My spice mix to the best marriage is acceptance, with respect and unconditional love," says Kamineni Konidela. According to psychologist Dr. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute, who has worked for four decades in the area of relationships and marital stability, contempt for one's partner can be the most important predictor of divorce in couples, as the lack of respect is destructive. Respect each other, and be cognizant of their boundaries, personal space, and individual choices. Be accepting of each other's flaws, and create an environment of healthy love and support that can be your safe space.

 

Related Story: What are Healthy Boundaries and Why do we Need Them

 

Do you have any tips that you have learnt in your relationship? Let us know in the comments below!