If you’re a parent, you’ve probably had this moment: your child says they don’t want to go to school, complains of a stomach ache, or suddenly seems quieter than usual. You pause, wonder for a second, and then brush it off as a phase. Sometimes, that’s true. Childhood is full of phases. At other times, that instinct to brush it aside deserves a second glance.

According to Dr Savita Date, a psychologist with 30-plus years of experience, anxiety is not something that suddenly appears in adulthood. It develops slowly and quietly during childhood, while a child’s mind and personality are still forming. And whether anxiety becomes a passing emotion or long-term baggage often depends on whether someone notices it in time. It’s about understanding what anxiety is doing in your child’s life.

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The Science Behind Low-Stimulation and Healthy Development

Childhood is a developmental period that is emotionally, socially, and psychologically significant. From birth through the teenage years, children are constantly learning how the world works and their place within it. They experience success and failure, acceptance and rejection, comfort and confusion. Some experiences come with support; others, they face alone. In this process, stress and anxiety are inevitable.

A child worrying before an exam, feeling nervous on the first day of school, or hesitating before making new friends is not a sign that something is wrong. Research from Yale Medicine (2022) suggests that moderate anxiety serves a protective role, preparing the brain to anticipate challenges and respond thoughtfully.

Dr Date explains it simply: anxiety becomes harmful only when experiences overwhelm the child and emotional support to process those experiences is missing, or when negative experiences far outweigh positive ones. So the goal is not to eliminate anxiety. The goal is to notice when it starts carrying too much weight.

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When Anxiety Stops Being Normal

Parents often ask, How do I really know when anxiety is more than a phase? The answer lies less in what the child feels and more in how long and how deeply it affects them. Children frown often, especially as they approach their teenage years. Smiles are sometimes reserved for friends rather than family. This can be uncomfortable for parents, but it’s usually normal.

What deserves attention is a shift in pattern. Dr Date points out that when parents notice withdrawal, reduced social contact, or emotions turning consistently negative or difficult, it’s worth looking deeper. The child may be dealing with something they don’t know how to, or don’t feel safe enough to bring up.

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Developmental Anxiety vs Excessive Anxiety

Research published in the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (2009) shows that anxiety changes form as children grow.

• Younger children often experience separation fears
• School-age children worry about safety or performance
• Adolescents struggle with social judgment, self-image, and belonging

Anxiety becomes excessive when it starts controlling a child’s choices, when it decides whether they attend school, sleep peacefully, eat well, or maintain friendships. If anxiety repeatedly interferes with daily functioning over several months, it’s no longer just developmental.

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How Anxiety Affects Daily Life

Anxiety rarely announces itself loudly. It shows up quietly, through everyday disruptions:

• A child who struggles to fall asleep or wakes up anxious
• Avoidance of school, social events, or activities they once enjoyed
• Declining academic performance
• Irritability, restlessness, or emotional outbursts that seem out of proportion

These behaviours are often mislabelled as stubbornness or attitude problems, when in reality, they are signs of internal distress. As Dr Date notes, rash or agitated behaviour can be a child’s way of asking for help, even when they don’t know how to ask directly.

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Common Parental Responses That Accidentally Worsen Anxiety

Most parents respond with love and concern. But certain well-intentioned reactions can increase anxiety over time. One common mistake is assuming everything in a child’s life must be fine. Childhood is not automatically happy or carefree. If a child never expresses distress, it’s worth asking why, rather than celebrating it as a sign of strength.

Another is responding to a child’s anxiety with anxiety of your own. Children need calm parents who can guide them through emotional potholes, not adults whose fear reinforces their own. Dr Date often reminds parents that children need two things: a calm adult who can hold their hand during difficult moments, and a supportive presence who encourages exploration and play. One without the other creates an imbalance.

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When Should Parents Seek Help?

Parents should consider professional support when:

• Anxiety persists for months and affects daily functioning
• Physical symptoms have no medical explanation
• School attendance, sleep, or social life is consistently disrupted
• Emotional distress seems to intensify rather than improve

Seeking help early does not label a child; it protects them from carrying unresolved emotional weight into adulthood.

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If Dr Date had to offer one guiding principle, it would be this: Trust your child. Be patient. Stay calm. But keep your eyes and ears open. Being a trusting parent doesn’t mean being unaware. Children go through many phases, and parents don’t need to fear every one of them. But noticing patterns, listening without dismissing, and responding thoughtfully can make all the difference.

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