Big thoughts, simple truth: how we think shapes everything. That’s why it’s worth hitting pause to reflect on our thinking habits.

We all have thought patterns—some empowering, some not so much. These patterns feed our self-talk, that constant inner voice narrating our lives. When self-talk is positive, on the other hand, when speaking or thinking negatively it affects overall action towards others. 

 

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Break Out of Negative Thinking Patterns

The first step toward healthier thinking is recognising the thought patterns that might be tripping us up. Before diving into the negative thoughts many parents face, let's take a look at some common “thinking traps” that can affect every area of our lives.

• All or nothing thinking: This is when we turn complex situations into black-and-white scenarios, like “If I’m not perfect, I’ve failed” or “Either do it right or don’t do it at all.” It leaves no room for shades of gray.
• Mental filter: It’s like wearing a pair of biased glasses—only noticing the bad stuff and completely missing the good. You may fixate on mistakes while overlooking your wins.
• Over-generalising: When we take one event and use it to define everything, like saying “I always mess up” or “Nothing ever goes right.”
• Disqualifying the positive: This is the reverse of the mental filter—discounting the good things that happen and focusing only on the negative.
• Jumping to conclusions: This is mind-reading (thinking you know what others are thinking) or fortune-telling (predicting the future based on minimal evidence). It’s especially common among couples!
• Emotional reasoning: This happens when we let our emotions dictate reality. For example, “I feel embarrassed, so I must have made a huge mistake.”
• Magnification and minimisation: You either blow things out of proportion (catastrophising) or shrink them to make them seem less significant. Like thinking, "What if my child never becomes potty trained?"
• Should and must: Using these words makes us feel like we’re failing before we even begin. “I should be doing this,” or “I must be better at that” only adds pressure and guilt.

One may resonate with these negative thoughts in their day-to-day life
“Everyone is staring at us.” — the feeling of being judged or scrutinized, even when it’s not the case.
“I can’t handle this.” — the overwhelming sense that things are out of control.
“It’s my fault my child is behaving badly.” — taking all the blame, even when it’s not entirely yours.
“They must think I’m a terrible parent.” — assuming others are judging you based on one moment or action.
“Things are just getting worse.” — when one challenge feels like it’s spiraling into a never-ending series of problems.
“I can’t help my child.” — the sense of helplessness when you don’t know how to solve your child’s struggles.
“My child will always be dependent on me.” — fearing that things will never change, and your child will forever need you.

 

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Ways to Cultivate Helpful Thoughts

It’s easy to fall into these traps, but it’s important to challenge these thoughts and reframe them in a way that’s healthier for both you and your child.  The good news? Changing how you think can change your whole parenting game. In other words, how you think can shape how you feel and, ultimately, how you respond.

1. Challenge Your Thoughts: When you find yourself stuck in a negative thinking loop, take a moment to pause and reflect. Ask yourself, “What evidence do I have that this thought is true?” or “How would I reassure a friend if they were feeling this way?” Cultivating this habit of introspection can help you distinguish between what’s real and what’s simply a product of your emotions. 

2. Practice Cognitive Defusion: When you find yourself trapped in a negative thought, take a moment to distance yourself from it. Rather than declaring, “I’m a failure as a parent,” try reframing it to, “I’m experiencing the thought that I’m a failure as a parent.” This simple change can create a gap between you and the thought, enabling you to recognise it for what it truly is—a fleeting thought, not a definitive truth.

3. Embrace the Here and Now: Parenting is a whirlwind of surprises, and it’s easy to spiral into worst-case thoughts. Instead, try practicing mindfulness by anchoring yourself in the present. Take a deep breath, pause, and ask yourself, “What’s happening right now, at this moment?” This simple practice can help you navigate the chaos with clarity and calm.

4. Embrace Self-Compassion: We can be our own toughest critics, can’t we? It’s important to remind ourselves that perfection is a myth, especially in parenting. When you find yourself tangled in negative thoughts, pause and remember that everyone stumbles now and then—it’s part of being human! Parenting is a journey, not a race, so give yourself the kindness and understanding you deserve along the way. 

 

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Recognising these negative thoughts is the first step toward breaking free from their grip. Parenting is challenging, and it’s easy to let self-doubt or guilt cloud your perspective. But remember, these thoughts don’t define you or your abilities as a parent. By identifying and challenging them, you can shift toward more constructive, empowering ways of thinking. After all, the goal isn’t to be a “perfect” parent—it’s to be a present, loving, and resilient one. 

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