Relationship Advice: How to Know You’ve Found the One?

Relationships can be tricky. Right from the very first date till things get official—it can feel like an emotional landmine. But let’s say you’ve finally met your potential match. The next question you'll need to ask yourself is: Are they really 'The One'?

By Adarsh Soni
09 Jul 2021

Some people believe that when you meet “The One,” you’ll just know it without even having to try. But if you’re wondering whether your relationship is really meant to be, experts say there are some signs you can look out for.


1. You feel happy whenever you think of them

According to research by Dr Arthur Aron, Department of Psychology, State University of New York, USA, you get a general sense of euphoria whenever you’re around your partner, or even when you just think about them being around. This happens because real love and genuine attachment actually alters the biochemical reactions taking place in your brain. When you think about them, you'll get a surge of happiness-boosting neurotransmitter dopamine plus a lighting up of the brain's reward centers. These effects are the most potent in the honeymoon stage of the relationship but the key is to make this warm and fuzzy feeling last for as long as possible.


2. You’ve started using different pronouns

According to a study conducted by Dr James W Pennebaker, Department of Psychology, University of Texas, Austin, Texas, USA, the words people use in their daily lives can reveal important aspects of their social and psychological worlds. Those who feel deeply connected to their partner are more likely to use plural pronouns such as 'we' and 'us', rather than the singular 'I' or 'me'. This is because once you fall in love, you start thinking of each other as a singular unit rather than two separate people. Keep in mind that this doesn’t mean that you’ll start compromising on your individuality—that is in fact a huge red flag that should be avoided.


3. You will do everything to be with each other

Dr. C Manjula Rao, clinical psychologist, Apollo Hospitals, Hyderabad, says that “Once you’re truly in love with someone and you, as a couple have made up your mind to spend the rest of your lives together, then you very naturally and effortlessly tend to prioritise each other over anything else, and are willing to work hard to be with each other.” A successful relationship is not just about romance. It requires the willpower to stay together against all odds—almost like an animalistic instinct of fighting for a mate.


4. You are insanely attracted to them but having sex is not the end goal

Naturally, sex plays a huge part in a healthy relationship and being physically attracted to your partner as well as enjoying their company is a very important checkpoint, but one must keep in mind that certain affectionate moments should be enjoyed on their own, rather than just using them to make a case for having sex. Your forever person shouldn’t be reluctant to touch you, compliment you, or express affection in non-sexual moments. Sex is vital but you can only achieve real intimacy when you’re genuinely in love with someone, and it will reflect in your physical behaviour.


5. You love spending time together but they encourage you to retain your individuality

“Every healthy relationship has a good amount of healthy independence,” says Dr Rao. Yes, you’re in love, and you want to do everything together and spend as much as time possible with them, but when you’ve met ‘The One’, they will let you carve out enough time for your life outside of this relationship. Right from your hobbies to your friends and family—there’s so much you have that doesn’t involve your partner, and they respect that. There is no sense of insecurity, they trust you and give you as much freedom as you want.


6. They make you feel comfortable enough to let your guard down

When you’ve met your forever person, you know that you can trust them enough to be vulnerable around them. You can't put your finger on it but there’s a level of comfort and connection you’ve never felt with anyone else. Dr Rao says that a good partner makes you feel right at home when they’re around you. You don’t feel the need to hide things from them and you can express yourself truly without any fear of judgement. They will never use these vulnerable moments to get back at you for something wrong that you might’ve done in the past.


7. You can easily resolve big issues and bond again after having a clash

Couples that are in it for the long run don't shy away from discussing important topics that could potentially erupt in a disagreement. Questions like “What would happen to our relationship if I took that job overseas?” Or “Will we ever get married?” might seem unnecessary at first but they need to be clarified rather than swept under the rug. When you’ve met “The One”, you will know that they want to be on the same page as you when it comes to long-term life goals. And even if you do have a disagreement and fight, remember that it’s completely natural. All healthy couples fight. The key is to do it in a way that isn’t inherently toxic. Dr Rao suggests that one should never fight when their partner isn’t emotionally stable. You can also set certain time boundaries to limit arguments.


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