Raising kids is far from easy. It often comes with its own set of challenges and uncertainties. One important trait that can significantly impact a child's life is confidence. Many parents wonder about the best ways to raise confident children. Fortunately, confidence isn’t something kids are born with; it’s a quality that can be nurtured and developed over time. Parents can help their children grow into self-assured individuals who believe in their abilities and value themselves. 

Child psychologist Michele Borba draws on her 40 years of teaching and consulting experience, along with the latest research, to provide practical advice to parents, teachers, and child advocates on how to help children thrive. She is also the author of the book ‘Thrivers’. She mentions in her book that kids with the strength and confidence to take necessary risks are more likely to try and overcome the obstacles they’ll face and be more successful in the long run. She also recommends being open with your kids by sharing examples of past mistakes you’ve made, and how you learned from them.

Another parenting researcher Jennifer Breheny Wallace says that it is important to have a growth-oriented  mindset. Having a growth mindset means believing that you can get better at stuff by working hard and never giving up, instead of thinking you’re just born with certain skills. She adds that “When kids have this mindset, they’re more likely to bounce back from tough times, enjoy learning new things, and be up for trying out new stuff, even if it’s tricky. 

 

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6 Tips to Raise Confident Children

 

Praise Specific Traits and Behaviours 

To help build confidence and self-esteem at home, focus on praising specific traits and behaviours. For example, you might say, "I love how you used your imagination to create that fun game! You’re so creative!" It’s important to make your praise genuine and selective—if you say "good job!" too often, it can lose its meaning.
Instead of just praising talents or achievements, highlight your child's positive character traits. Point out what makes them special and likeable. When they misbehave, address the specific behaviour rather than labelling them as wrong. This approach helps them understand what they can improve while reinforcing their positive qualities.

Praising your child’s specific traits and not only the output sends the message that a perfect result isn’t the only thing that matters, according to child psychologist Francyne Zeltser. It can help your child stay motivated to keep working hard in the future, even if previous efforts yielded something flawed. 

 

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Allow Kids to Fail

When children fear failure, it can stifle their willingness to explore and think creatively. According to Jennifer Breheny Wallace, a Harvard-trained journalist and parenting researcher, this fear negatively impacts their creative confidence, which can persist into adulthood.

Encouraging your child's confidence and creativity can be as simple as adjusting your language and how you praise them. While it’s natural to want to shield your child from failure, experiencing setbacks is an essential part of learning. These challenges help children realise that failure isn't catastrophic and can motivate them to put in more effort—skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.

 

Encourage Decision-Making

When kids are given the opportunity to choose, whether it’s what to wear, what to eat, or how to spend their free time, they learn to trust their instincts and develop a sense of ownership over their choices. This practice helps them understand the consequences of their decisions, fostering critical thinking and problem-solving skills. However, the decisions have to be age-appropriate and it also instils the feeling that they are heard and valued.

Even small decisions can have a significant impact on their self-esteem, as successfully navigating these choices reinforces their belief in their abilities. Encouraging this independence not only empowers children but also prepares them for the complexities of adulthood, where confident decision-making is essential.

 

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Be Mindful of Language

According to a 2024 survey of 61,500 parents and children between the ages of 5 and 12 done by the LEGO Group toy company, over half of the children surveyed in the LEGO Group study said they believe adults listen more to boys’ creative ideas than girls’.

According to the US National Science Foundation, gender stereotypes can steer young girls toward or away from specific interests early on, and can even affect gender diversity in creative industries. This implies we as parents should be mindful of the words we choose to respond a child's ideas. Language bias can reinforce stereotypes by associating certain qualities, behaviours, or career choices with a particular gender

 

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Surround Kids with Confident Individuals

Children often mirror the behaviours and attitudes of those around them. When they are surrounded by positive, confident individuals—such as family members, friends, or mentors—they absorb those traits and learn to approach challenges with a similar mindset. Confident role models can provide valuable insights and encouragement, helping children understand that self-assurance is a skill that can be developed. 

Engaging with such individuals fosters a supportive environment where kids feel safe to express themselves, take risks, and learn from their experiences. This exposure not only boosts their self-esteem but also helps them cultivate a network of positive influences that can guide them throughout their lives.

 

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Celebrate Diversity

Teaching kids to celebrate differences in others is important for developing their self-confidence. When children learn to appreciate various backgrounds, abilities, and perspectives, they understand the world better. This appreciation helps them see the value in their own unique qualities. Encouraging discussions about diversity—through books, conversations, or real-life experiences—can show children that everyone has something special to offer. This understanding creates a safe environment where they can express themselves and embrace what makes them different.

Celebrating differences also helps children develop respect and kindness. When they view their peers as individuals with unique stories and strengths, they are less likely to bully or exclude others. Instead, they learn to form inclusive friendships and connect with a variety of people. This not only boosts their self-esteem but also improves their social skills.

 

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