Mental Health

What is Stresslaxing? Why Trying to Relax Can Stress You Out

Looking for ways to de-stress can add more stress and levels of anxiety, leading to feeling “stresslaxed’’. Find out why it occurs and how to get past it.

By URLife Team

31 Aug 2024

Ever tried to unwind only to realise that you’re stressing out even more?

Yes, this is actually a condition called stresslaxing where a person finds ways to calm down by forcing themselves. Imagine a day when work deadlines, errands, and other responsibilities pile up, leaving you feeling overwhelmed. When you finally have a moment to yourself, the stress is lingering. The worst part is that you want to relax but somehow you aren’t able to and are stuck in the vicious cycle of contemplating.

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Understanding Stresslaxing

Many of us know the struggle of wanting to rest but feeling guilty for not working. Our minds are always busy, thinking about everything we need to do, which makes it hard to truly relax. Even when we try to take a break, we can’t help but feel like we’re not doing enough.

In clinical terms, stresslaxing is relaxation-induced stress. Stresslaxing comes from the constant pressure to always be busy. Society has taught us to link our value to how much we get done, making it hard to really relax. The American Psychological Association reveals that this happens to about 30 to 50 per cent of people when they try to relax, leading to stress symptoms like a rapid heartbeat or sweating.

Many of us feel stuck between needing rest and feeling guilty for not working. Our minds are always running, packed with endless tasks, which makes true relaxation tough. Even when we try to rest, we often feel like we’re not doing enough, making it hard to enjoy the break.

Causes of Relaxation-induced Stress

A 2019 study issued in the journal Clinical Psychology and Neuropsychology suggests that those who already have anxiety are more prone to relaxation-induced anxiety. However, other factors can also contribute to its prevalence.

Stresslaxing is often fueled by the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves. We tend to judge our success by how much we can achieve in a short period, without considering the impact this constant drive has on our mental and physical well-being. In our minds, we’re never satisfied, always pushing ourselves to do more, even when we're already doing our best to handle everything life throws at us.

You may be in denial: One of the least effective ways to deal with stress is by pretending it doesn’t exist—this is called denial. When it comes to stresslaxing, it might mean denying that you're stressed at all. When you’re in denial, your body keeps sending stress signals, urging you to take action and fix your problems. This is why trying to unwind without dealing with the root causes of your stress can end up making you feel even more overwhelmed.
Worried about others’ opinions: Some actively pursue their passions to better themselves, acquire new skills, and grow. However, some individuals solely chase their passions for the sake of validation and recognition from others. The issue with chasing a passion for the wrong reasons is that it can lead to pushing yourself too hard—like working even when you’re sick or skipping breaks to de-stress. This makes it tough and stressful to relax, as you might feel like you’re wasting time that could be spent on your passion. You might also worry that others will judge you for taking time off. In the end, this can take a toll on your well-being.
Having a hard time deciding: When making decisions, some people can’t resist exploring every possible option—this is known as maximising thoughts. This can even happen when choosing how to relax. Even after you’ve picked something, you might start second-guessing, wondering if another option would have been more relaxing. Instead of calming your mind, you end up stressing yourself out even more.

Ways to ManageStresslaxing

The gap between what we expect of ourselves and what’s actually possible is a big part of stresslaxing. When our goals are too high, we end up feeling like we’re not doing enough, making it hard to truly unwind. The good news is that there are ways to manage and overcome stresslaxing.

1. Listen to your body's signals: Your stress symptoms aren’t just random annoyances—they’re your body’s way of sounding the alarm. When something’s off, your body kicks into high gear, activating all its resources to help you fix the problem. For instance, an increased heart rate sends more oxygen-rich blood to your brain, sharpening your focus so you can quickly find a solution to what’s stressing you out.

2. Jot down your stress: Take some time to write down your deepest thoughts and feelings related to your stress. This self-reflection can reveal the true source of your anxiety, allowing you to address it head-on. For example, meditating every day might seem like a great way to unwind, but if your stress stems from being overworked, the real fix might be talking to your manager about lightening your load. Sometimes, taking action is more effective than just trying to relax.

3. Think outside the relaxation box: When we’re stressed, we often default to the usual relaxation methods like meditation or exercise. But consider other approaches too—like chatting with friends or family, or exploring an app or online resource. These alternatives might be just what you need to tackle your stress and start feeling better.

4. Reduce the number of plans: To truly unwind, try limiting the number of decisions you need to make on your relaxation day. Plan—decide what relaxing activity you’ll do (like watching a movie or meditating) and how long you’ll do it. This way, when the time comes, you can relax knowing you’re not neglecting other tasks.

5. Keep your health in mind: Remember why you’re making time to relax—your health matters. Keeping this in mind can help reduce stress while you’re engaging in a calming activity, making it easier to fully enjoy your downtime.

Stresslaxing happens because we feel pressured to always be productive. But if we change how we view relaxation, set realistic goals, practice self-kindness, and embrace mindfulness, we can better handle this challenge. Remember, relaxation isn’t a luxury—it’s essential for your well-being.

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