Everyone has different ways to deal with conflicts and certain situations and people that can leave us feeling triggered. For some people, a sudden outburst during conflict and then regretting the hurtful exchange of words in the heat of the moment is natural. If you find yourself in a similar situation, let us tell you, it’s not you, it’s your amygdala. Amygdala is a temperamental part of the brain that is quick to respond to perceived threats. It can take you from rational to irrational in the blink of an eye.

Hence, being armed with simple techniques to deal with conflicts internally can be great for your mental well-being. Not only that, healthy conflict resolution can strengthen your relationships at the workplace and at home. We spoke to Shreya Chakravarty, a renowned psychologist at Apollo Hospital, Jubilee Hills, Hyderabad, regarding dealing with conflicts in a positive and healthy way.

 

1. Acknowledge the Situation and Your Feelings

Yes, we can all agree that it’s easy to gaslight our feelings because we may feel we don’t have the time and energy to resolve the issue. As a result, we tend to mute the argument between our brain and heart in exchange for some peace. However, this behaviour can cause a lot of harm in the long run. The first step to resolving internal conflict is to acknowledge and honour what your brain and heart have been telling you. When you define the problem, it is easier to find a solution. Take note of all the “whys” and “whats”, then sit and analyse what is best for you.

 

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2. Be Calm and Clarify the Conflict

The conflict exists because the matter is important to you. It could be with another person or yourself, the way you respond to it may increase or decrease the intensity of the conflict... To clarify the conflict, you must first be ready to actively listen. After listening, you will be in a position to work through how you feel, what is bothering you, and how it impacts you. Then you can easily navigate through to resolve the conflict rather than react aggressively.

 

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3. Separate the Person From the Behaviour

In a heated situation, labelling the person wrong or bad doesn’t help. Remember that it’s not ‘me versus me’ or ‘me versus you’, but rather an ‘us versus the situation’. When you find a behaviour or opinion from a person unacceptable, you end up thinking how much you dislike the person, but it is actually the behaviour that you are uncomfortable with. Separating the person or yourself away from the behaviour at those times will allow you to identify your own limits and help you recognise aspects of the behaviour that troubles you. By doing so, you can rise above the conflict and devise strategies to cope with that particular behaviour.

 

4. Detach Until You Get a Hold of Yourself

We all go through situations that give our inner demons a chance to shine. At times like these, our thoughts are most likely negative and they suppress our brain's ability to listen to the voice of reason. During such times, you can practise calming activities to distract you from your own inner demons (discouraging yourself, negative thought, and procrastination). This isn’t running away from conflict, it is just giving yourself some space to process. Some activities that might help are reading, listening to music, breathing exercises, or sweating it out in the gym. Once you emerge from the spiralling space, you can resolve the conflict easily with reasoning.

 

Related Story: 5 Easy Mindfulness Habits to Resolve Your mental Health

 

5. Don’t react, act

When you are upset, the natural tendency is to react without thinking. While not intentional, your reaction might give more power to the situation that’s upsetting you. An easy way to stop reacting is to calm your mind by taking three deep breaths. Notice the uncomfortable feeling that comes from not reacting, it will slowly subside. Once you feel settled, respond with kindness and without any judgement. Here are a few simple tips to be the best version of yourself by Michelle Paradise, a heaving practitioner.

 

6. Step Into Their Shoe and Widen Your Perspective

When in a conflict, try to take a step back from arguing and simply try to understand the other person. Turning a difficult situation into a learning experience can help you make changes in the way you respond. By understanding the other person's perspective, you are giving yourself the time to break the conflict down without causing a scene. Sometimes, it may even present an opportunity for the person to shift their perspective by noticing how others around them behave and act.