The beginning of any romantic relationship is bound to be joyful, even to the point where you might feel like nobody is more in love than you. However, after you cross the initial honeymoon period, unpredictable times can begin.

The challenge is to work through rough patches and come out stronger, together. In a 2010 Syracuse University study, Stephanie Ortigue’s team found that when a person falls in love, 12 areas of the brain work in tandem to release euphoria-inducing chemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline and vasopressin. The feeling of love also affects cognitive functions, such as mental representation, metaphors and body image. Learning how to make your relationship successful can help you maintain a healthy life.

But there can be unexpected pitfalls when it comes to staying in love, and you might not know what they are. Here are fifteen things you didn’t know about staying in love, and what it can do to your relationship:

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1. Relationships aren’t perfect

A relationship requires constant effort from both partners. Every relationship passes through a tough patch at some point. It is acceptable to have disagreements and disputes with your partner; it is critical that both parties learn to settle their differences over time and learn individually from their mistakes.

 

2. Don’t focus on victory in an argument

It's easy to get caught up in binary concepts like right and wrong, win and loss. Instead of this comparing thinking, consider reflective thinking. Change "yeah but" to "yes and," which does not contradict your partner's perspective.

 

3. Look deeper into the conflict

Ask yourself, “What is this argument really about?” If you both are passionately arguing your respective sides, it must be something significant, which usually dates back to your childhood. So, tell each other about any reactivated prior trauma.

 

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4. Conflicts can take time to resolve

It is natural to want to exit conflict as soon as possible, but it takes time to let go. Don’t put pressure on yourselves. It will normally take several discussions, maybe over several days. So, learn to feel more comfortable with uncertainty and agree to keep talking.

 

5. Vulnerability is a must

Stay true to yourself. Instead of displaying your strength, talk about what you find difficult. Always use "I" statements. "I feel anxious," for example, rather than "You make me feel uneasy."

 

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6. Build on common ground

It is beneficial to remind each other of your similarities. For example, saying, "We are both feeling overwhelmed" during an argument. It is simpler to develop cooperation when you understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

 

7. Don’t focus on resolution

Once you stop pushing for a resolution, another way will slowly emerge. If you are still stuck, it could be that you need to return to the previous steps and do some more talking and lots of listening. When you both feel truly understood, you will be ready to move forward.

 

8. Self-love comes first

You will have to prioritise yourself, such as your goals and aims in any relationship. If you cannot treat yourself with kindness, compassion, and respect, it’s impossible to fully love and appreciate another.

 

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9. Don’t expect to feel ‘completed’

The feeling that something is missing can have us on the mission of looking for the ‘missing piece’. However, your priority should be finding your own purpose and passionately pursuing it.

 

10. You can be deceived

Deceptive love is when you build on the character in the initial stage of your relationship itself. Genuine love isn’t about drastic changes–it’s about each of you unravelling your genuine self to the other. It’s your job simply to accept them fully with all of your heart, with their flaws and quirks.

 

11. Mutual love, affection and work are needed

Many people believe that staying in love should be effortless, but the truth is, it requires work from both sides. Both people are learning about one another, experiencing every inch of one another’s being, and enjoying every minute. However, even in these early stages, it’s important to know that love takes work, space and time from both people. Your partner should be making a visible effort to show kindness, compassion, and consideration. And so should you.

 

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12. Sex shouldn’t be the only benefit

Sure, sex is a natural part of a relationship. You should be most enthusiastic about getting to know each other beyond the intricacy of physical gratification.

 

13. The feeling can wear off

Falling in love can feel like fireworks, and you might feel like you’re on top of the world. It's wonderful, yet it takes you away from reality for a while. Doing your best to stick to reality helps in keeping an eye on the opposite person's nature and behaviour.

 

14. They are not responsible for your happiness

Being in a relationship may create co-dependency but don’t mistake it as a key to your happiness. In fact, your relationship is not a magic wand that will fix all your problems and make your life perfect. Your happiness lies in your own hands, and you do not need a significant other to catalyse that.

 

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15. Love has phases

Like the moon, love also develops in phases. The early phase of love is quite different from its later phase. It starts with attraction but then cements into a more mature relationship.

It takes time, effort and patience to build a healthy bond. Staying in love might not always feel great, but you’ll be happier in the long term knowing that you have a partner who supports, encourages and loves you for who you are.

 

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