Mental Health

5 Ways To Not Be Your Own Worst Enemy

Often our thoughts and actions come in the way of our goals. Here are 5 ways to avoid self-sabotage and achieve your goals.

By URLife Team

21 Jun 2024

Maybe you know you shouldn’t eat certain things due to a health problem – but you do it anyway. Maybe you need to get an assignment done by the end of the week – but you keep procrastinating. Or you understand the importance of saving money, yet you find yourself overspending on unnecessary items. You might ask: What’s wrong with me? Why am I doing this?

The answer often lies in the complexities of our subconscious mind. More often than not our mind is influenced by past failures, deep-seated fears, insecurities, or simply habitual patterns that are hard to break. These subconscious factors can turn us into our own adversaries, and further affect our decisions and sometimes even lead to frustration or self-doubt.

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What Causes Self-Sabotaging Behaviour?

In her book "Stop Self-Sabotage," Dr. Judy Ho, the author of the book explains that self-destructive behaviour has biological roots. When we set goals, our brains release dopamine, which makes us feel good. However, when it's time to actually achieve those goals, the fear of failing can cause us to avoid them instead. This conflict between wanting to approach our goals and wanting to avoid the possibility of failure is known as approach-avoidance conflict.

Self-sabotage happens when there's a gap between our values and our actions. It occurs when we either do something against what we truly want or engage in behaviors that block our progress toward those desires.

Recognise Distorted Thinking Patterns

Our minds are incessantly active and end up generating thousands of thoughts each day. These thoughts form the foundation of our internal narrative. This often helps in shaping how we perceive ourselves, our capabilities, and our place in the world. Often, these narratives operate subtly in the background, influencing our decisions and actions without conscious awareness. They can either bolster our confidence or reinforce self-doubt, depending on their content and tone. As this mental playlist repeats itself over time, these narratives solidify into beliefs, becoming deeply ingrained aspects of our self-perception and worldview.

The stories we tell ourselves through this ongoing self-dialogue have a profound impact on our behaviour and outcomes. They shape our expectations, motivations, and responses to challenges. Positive narratives can inspire resilience and growth, while negative or distorted ones can lead to self-sabotaging behaviours and a sense of being stuck.

Embrace Your Flaws

You don't have to strive for perfection; it's okay to acknowledge that you're not flawless. Allow yourself the space to evolve and improve. There's no need to criticise yourself harshly when you face setbacks – they're a natural part of everyone's journey. Focus on making positive strides rather than chasing an unattainable ideal. Embrace both the successes and challenges that come your way.

It's a gradual process to overcome self-sabotage, requiring genuine dedication and time. However, the rewards of freeing yourself from this cycle are immense. Imagine the possibilities once you stop holding yourself back and start nurturing a supportive relationship with yourself.

Reflect and Reframe Your Self-Reproach

Reflecting on what we might have done differently in the past isn't necessarily negative; how we perceive it and what actions we take as a result are crucial. While self-reproach can involve distorted thinking — like labelling oneself a "loser" after a failure or in a relationship — its emotional impact can be profound.

When we fail to address feelings of guilt, shame, or regret, these emotions can fester and lead to detachment, anxiety, or even depression. What distinguishes guilt from shame is that shame involves a deeper sense of judgement, either from ourselves or from how others perceive us.

Rely on an Accountability Buddy

Finding an accountability buddy can be a game-changer in achieving your goals. Whether it's a close friend or a supportive mentor, having someone to share your aspirations with creates a powerful dynamic of encouragement and motivation. Your accountability partner serves as a sounding board for your ideas, a cheerleader during milestones, and a source of gentle nudges when adjustments are necessary. They offer a fresh perspective and can help you stay focused and committed, even when faced with obstacles or setbacks. Together, you can celebrate successes, learn from challenges, and ultimately grow stronger in pursuit of your objectives.

Choosing the right accountability buddy is crucial. Look for someone who understands your ambitions, respects your journey, and is willing to provide constructive feedback when needed. Trust and mutual respect form the foundation of this partnership.

Embrace the Little Joys

Even on challenging days, there exists something positive to be found. Sometimes, it requires a deliberate effort to uncover these moments of gratitude, but doing so trains our minds to adopt a more positive outlook. Start appreciating the small instances of joy throughout your day – whether it's the aroma of freshly brewed coffee or a tender gesture from someone dear to you.

By focusing on these positive experiences, we counteract the brain's natural tendency to dwell on negativity, where negative memories tend to linger more readily than positive ones. Whether you choose to journal these moments or simply acknowledge them mentally, cultivating a habit of gratitude can profoundly benefit your mental well-being. It's a practice that nurtures a beautiful mindset and fosters resilience in the face of life's ups and downs.

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