I need to make a call about the car’s service. Did I remember to pick up the dry cleaning? Oh, and I haven’t scheduled the dentist appointment yet. I’m pretty sure I’m out of coffee too. I should really start planning the kids' meals better. And did I sign that permission slip? Wait, I also need to follow up on the insurance claim—why haven’t they called me back?
Do you have a similar mental checklist ? Many people have a never-ending to-do list running through their minds, and just thinking about it can gradually increase stress levels.

Mental load, sometimes referred to as “emotional labour” or “cognitive labour,” encompasses the invisible, often unacknowledged tasks involved in managing a household and family. It goes beyond just the physical chores—it’s the constant mental effort of planning, remembering, and anticipating what needs to be done, a responsibility that frequently falls disproportionately on women.

Mental load includes everything from remembering to do the laundry and coordinating your child’s activities, to meal planning and managing appointments. It's the behind-the-scenes work of organising, list-making, and decision-making that keeps daily life running smoothly for both yourself and those who rely on you. While everyone carries some level of mental load in balancing work, family, finances, and personal life, the way this burden is shared within households is often unequal.

 

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Who Suffers More With Mental Load – Men or Women?

A study by the Harvard Business Review found that women in heterosexual relationships not only do more household chores but also do more of the mental work associated with those tasks. 

Another 2022 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that women in dual-earner couples spend more time on housework and childcare than their male partners, even when they work similar hours.

 

Related story: 5 Ways a Routine Benefits Your Mental Well Being

 

6 Tips to Manage Mental Load

Let Go of Perfectionism

Perfectionism can often add unnecessary pressure and mental strain, especially when it comes to managing a household. While you may have a particular way of doing things, letting go of the expectation that everything must be done exactly your way can bring relief. Acknowledge that your partner may have different methods or approaches, but that doesn't diminish their contribution. By focusing on the bigger picture—ensuring things get done rather than obsessing over how they’re done—you create space for collaboration and shared responsibility. The goal should be a functioning, balanced home, not a flawless one. Recognising and appreciating your partner's efforts, even if they don’t align with your style, is key to easing the mental load. 

Sharing the mental load isn’t just about splitting tasks—it’s about understanding that both people are carrying the invisible weight of managing a household and family. When you embrace imperfection, it becomes easier to accept help from your partner without judgment or resentment. It also fosters a more equal partnership, where both people are actively involved in the mental and emotional labor of running a home.

 

Delegate Work

One of the most effective ways to manage the mental load is through delegation. However, delegating is not just about handing off tasks—it’s about empowering your partner to take on more responsibility. This requires communication and, at times, teaching your partner how to handle specific tasks that might have previously been your domain. By doing so, you create a more equitable distribution of household responsibilities, which helps lighten the mental load for both partners.

In addition, educating your partner about why certain tasks matter to you can help them understand not just how to do them, but why their involvement is important. This emotional investment in the "why" makes it easier for them to see the task as part of the shared responsibility of maintaining the household and family. Over time, this practice fosters a sense of teamwork and shared ownership.

 

Related story: 7 Signs You Need to take A Break For Your Mental Health

 

Reset Your Expectations

Managing mental load often begins with adjusting our expectations. In today’s world, we’re constantly bombarded with idealised images of perfect homes and highly accomplished individuals. However, the reality is that creating such perfection requires an enormous amount of labour—much of which often falls on women, and is typically unpaid. The truth is, most of us are juggling various responsibilities and are not going to have flawless homes or children who excel at every possible activity. 

By resetting our expectations, we free ourselves from the pressure to meet unattainable standards. This shift allows us to embrace imperfection and focus on what truly matters, without the constant mental strain of trying to live up to an idealized version of our lives. Life is too short to be endlessly striving for perfection, especially when it means sacrificing time and energy that could be better spent enjoying the moments that really count.

 

Related Story: Five Ways To Relax Yourself In Stressful Situations

 

Set Healthy Boundaries

One of the most effective ways to manage mental load is by setting clear and healthy boundaries. This means recognising when we’ve taken on too much and being willing to say no, even when it feels uncomfortable. Boundaries are not just about saying no to others—they’re about saying yes to ourselves. 

Whether it’s creating space for rest, prioritising personal time, or dividing household responsibilities more equitably, healthy boundaries ensure that we’re not constantly running on empty. It’s important to communicate these boundaries clearly with family members or colleagues, so they understand what is reasonable and respectful. 

 

Make the Invisible Mental Load Visible 

Often, the mental load of planning, remembering, and organising falls disproportionately on one person, and it’s essential to communicate this. By acknowledging and sharing specific examples of how the mental load affects you, you can help others understand its impact without feeling criticized. This approach fosters empathy and opens the door for collaborative solutions. 

It's important to emphasise that mental load isn't just about physical chores, but also about the ongoing mental effort to juggle various tasks, like scheduling appointments, managing family calendars, and keeping track of everyone’s needs. By having these conversations, you create an opportunity to divide both physical and mental tasks more equitably, easing the burden on the individual who may have been carrying it alone.

 

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Put Technology to Work 

Task management apps, shared calendars, and smart home devices can simplify everyday routines, helping to delegate responsibilities more efficiently. Tools like to-do lists, family scheduling apps, or virtual assistants allow everyone to stay on the same page and reduce the mental effort of remembering every detail. For example, a shared family calendar can prevent double-booking, while voice-activated assistants can set reminders for daily tasks without having to think about them. 

 

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Incorporating these technologies into daily life not only streamlines responsibilities but also helps balance the mental load by distributing reminders and organising tasks in a way that everyone can participate in, freeing up mental space for other priorities.

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