Parenting is a rewarding journey, but amidst the joy and responsibilities, for many parents at different points of time it can be distressing. Parenting asks for high physical and emotional involvement, multitasking, financial resources and what not. Also, this job doesn’t include sick leaves, opportunity to quit, or weekends off.  As a parent we tend to offer the best to our children, sidelining what our physical body is in need of. Many parents, consumed by the needs of their children, often neglect their own well-being. This exhaustion can lead to a condition where the well runs dry, leaving parents feeling depleted and exhausted that they feel they have nothing left to give. 

Unfortunately, what makes the issue of parental burnout worse is that parents are often ashamed and guilty about being burnt out. This is because there’s a stigma associated with parental burnout. As a result many parents didn’t open up about this condition in the fear of judgment and don’t reach out for support. However, recognising and addressing this issue is crucial, as ignoring it can have a lasting impact on mental health.

 

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Signs of Parental Burnout 

The symptoms and intensity of parental burnout may vary from parent to parent. However, these are most commonly reported symptoms associated with parental burnout: 

• Overwhelming exhaustion 
• Chronic stress
• Loss of fulfilment in parenting 
• A sense of ineffectiveness as a parent 
• Feeling shame and guilty for not being always there for your children 
• Feeling emotionally disconnected and distanced from their children 
• Sleep disorders and other health issues such as muscle soreness and headache
• Suicidal and escape ideations
• Violent or neglectful toward children 
• Coercive or punitive parenting practices 
• Parental Burnout and Its Impact

 

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It is evident that the stress from the pandemic has made parental burnout worse. Over the past two years, the challenges have also made the youth mental health crisis more severe, adding to parental burnout.

A 2022 study from Ohio State University found that two-thirds of working parents felt burnt out. The study, based on around 1,300 parents with kids under 18, showed that burnout is linked to mental health issues for both parents and children. It found that burnout is connected to anxiety and depression in parents, along with increased alcohol consumption. About three-quarters of parents with a history of personal anxiety reported feeling burnt out.

Also, the impact of parental burnout is not limited to parents only. It impacts and hampers the emotional development in children too. According to a 2023 research published in Frontiers, parental burnout is distinctive from depression and can have its unique consequences for child emotional development. 

Parental burnout can impact your overall well-being. As burnout worsens, it may cause hormonal imbalances, reducing your sex drive. Persistent lack of sleep can raise the risk of conditions like heart disease and diabetes. Increased stress levels can also make you more susceptible to serious health issues.

 

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Ways to Prevent and Deal With Parental Burnout 

Reframe The Meaning of Self-Care 

Make self-care a habit by adding small steps to your daily routine. For instance, it could be reading a book while waiting for your kids to be back home from play, think of one gratitude during dishwashing. Acknowledge and praise yourself for these acts of self-care.

A 2023 research suggests that there is a connection between parental well-being and child care. Taking care of yourself positively influences your child. Prioritising your well-being, emphasising that when you feel safe and manage your emotions healthily, it profoundly impacts your children. Remember, your well-being is like Wi-Fi for your children's nervous systems, influencing their regulation.

 

Take Baby Steps

To tackle parental burnout, it is not always about making elephantine changes, instead start with small changes. Unlike work burnout, taking a vacation might not always be an option. When stress feels overwhelming, focus on smaller things you can control. Instead of stressing about major factors, like a difficult child or a busy spouse, address changeable aspects contributing to exhaustion. If chores are wearing you out, share the load with your partner or kids. If your child's activities are too much, reduce commitments or the key is to stay flexible and find a balance.

 

Replace ‘Should’ With ‘Would Be Great’

According to a 2020 study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies, parents who aim for perfection and those who put high parenting pressure on themselves experience higher rates of burnout.

Sometimes, we feel overwhelmed because we expect things to be a certain way – how well we should do things and how happy we should feel doing them. These unrealistic expectations make our load heavier. Hence, the best way to deal with it is by avoiding "should" statements, as they bring feelings of shame. Instead of saying you "should" spend more time with your kids, try saying "It would be great if I had more energy to play with my kids." This change in perspective helps parents focus on their current reality and cope with their circumstances using the resources they have.

 

Make Time for Microbreaks

Not every parent can afford time for weekend getaways leaving their children home. Even short breaks can make a difference. Take 5 minutes to breathe in the bathroom or listen to a guided meditation in your car after grocery shopping. Instead of aiming for a whole weekend off, look for manageable moments of relaxation. Practice self-compassion by acknowledging the pressure you feel to meet certain standards. Remind yourself that you're doing your best with the resources you have, and try to recalibrate your thinking during breaks.

 

Acknowledge Parenting is Hard for Everyone 

In the midst of family challenges, we tend to blame ourselves, but that’s not true for every circumstance. Parenting is tough, especially considering external factors beyond our control. While we can't change the external factors alone, believe and reassure yourself with this positive affirmation: "You're not doing it wrong. It's just that hard." Recognise that difficulties often stem from external factors, not just your choices.

 

What To Do If Nothing Works Out?

If you're experiencing parental burnout and nothing seems to work, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for guidance. They can provide personalised strategies and support to help you navigate and cope with the challenges you're facing. Prioritising your well-being is crucial, and seeking professional help is a proactive step toward addressing parental burnout.

 

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Parental burnout is a pervasive issue that demands attention and proactive measures. It is essential for you as parents to recognise the signs, prioritise self-care, and establish support systems. By acknowledging the challenges, setting realistic expectations, and seeking help when needed, individuals can mitigate the impact of parental burnout.