According to the National Center for Victims of Crime, USA, 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse (CSA).

There’s no easy way to bring up the topic of touch, but as parents, we know how important it is. It’s about more than just safety; it’s about giving your child the words and confidence to speak up when something doesn’t feel right.

A good touch is simple. It’s the hug or a high five that makes them feel warm and secure. It’s a playful pat on the back. It’s a reassuring hand holding theirs when they need assurance. Good touch is about connection, care, and respect. It’s never about shame, control or discomfort.

Bad touch, though, is different. It’s a touch that makes them feel uneasy or scared. It’s the kind of touch that might confuse them or leave them with a bad feeling. It could come from anyone—a stranger, a friend, older kids,  even a family member. And when it does, it’s crucial they know it’s okay to say stop and inform a trusted adult
This guide isn’t about scaring them—it's about empowering them. It's about teaching your child to trust their instincts, to know what feels safe, and to understand that their body belongs to them. It’s a conversation that will keep evolving, but it all starts with honesty and love. After all, the most important thing we can offer our kids is the freedom to feel safe in their own skin.

 

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Best Time To Teach Children About Good Touch and Bad Touch

Although children are the most vulnerable to CSA between the ages of 7 and 13, there are perpetrators who target victims as early as infancy.  Because of this, the best time to talk to your child about good and bad touch is as soon as they are capable of understanding your words–the conversation of course needs to be age-appropriate. 

 

5 Ways to Teach Good Touch and Bad Touch

Explain Different Types of Touch

Explain to your child that there are three kinds of touches. The three kinds of touches are: Safe touches, unsafe touches and unwanted touches 

Safe touches are touches that keep children safe and are good for them, and that make children feel cared for and important. Safe touches can include hugging, pats on the back, and an arm around the shoulder. Safe touches can also include touches that might hurt, such as removing a splinter. Explain to children that when you remove a splinter, you are doing so to keep them healthy, which makes it a safe touch.  Unsafe touches are touches that hurt children's bodies or feelings (for example, hitting, pushing, pinching, and kicking). Teach children that these kinds of touches are not okay. 

Unwanted touches are touches that might be safe but that a child doesn't want from that person or at that moment. It is okay for a child to say "no" to an unwanted touch, even if it is from a familiar person like a parent. Help your children practice saying "no" in a strong voice. This will help children learn to set personal boundaries. 

 

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Teach Through The Swimsuit Rule

One simple way to explain private body parts to your children is by using the "swimsuit rule." Tell your child that the areas of their body covered by a swimsuit or their underwear are private. This means that no one, except for trusted adults like parents or doctors, should touch or see these parts. Let them know that if anyone does touch them inappropriately, it’s okay to say "No!" and to tell you right away.

You can make it relatable by asking questions like, "When do you touch these areas? (While taking a bath.) Are your parents allowed to touch these areas? (Only when they are giving you a bath or helping you get dressed.) Is it okay for a doctor to touch these areas? (To make sure you are healthy, but only in front of your parents.)

Reinforce that they have the right to speak up if they ever feel uncomfortable or unsure about a touch.

 

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Stick to the Actual Terminology

When teaching your child about their body, it’s important to use clear, accurate words. For example, you can teach the names of their body parts, like "vagina" or "penis," in a calm, natural way. You can say things like, "This is your nose. This is your hand. And these are your private parts, called the penis and vagina." When explaining the concept, use simple language. Avoid euphemisms or vague terms. Teach your child the names of their body parts, including the private ones. This clarity helps them better communicate if something makes them uncomfortable. You can start by teaching a very young child about the parts of their body using simple language. For instance, during bath time, you can say, "These are your arms and legs." Gradually, as they grow, you can introduce the names of private body parts in a matter-of-fact way

Let’s say you're at the park and another child touches your child's arm in a way that feels a little strange. You can remind them, "If anyone touches you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can say, Stop. Don’t touch me,’ and come tell me right away. Your body belongs to you, and I will always listen."

 

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Teach Children They Are The Boss of Their Body

Teaching children that "they are the boss of their body" is a powerful lesson in respecting personal boundaries and fostering a sense of autonomy and confidence. Let your children know that their body belongs to them, and they have the right to decide who touches them and how. You can say, "You are the boss of your body," and explain that this means they can speak up if they don't like how someone is touching them. For example, you might say, "It's okay to say, 'I don't want to be tickled right now,' or 'Please don't jump on me.'"
Also, supervise your children's interactions with siblings or friends, especially during playtime. Make sure they understand that if someone says "Stop!" or expresses discomfort, the play must end immediately. You can say, "If your brother says 'Stop,' we stop. It's important to listen and respect how other people feel."

Imagine you’re at a family gathering and a relative insists on hugging your child. If your child says "No, I don’t want a hug," calmly explain to the relative, "We’re teaching our child to be the boss of their body, and sometimes they don’t feel like hugging, and that’s okay." This approach shows your child that they have the power to make decisions about their body, and it models a respectful, understanding environment for everyone involved.

 

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Guide Children What To Do In Case of Bad Touch

Have a conversation with your children and train them that if someone ever touches them in a way that feels wrong or makes them uncomfortable, it’s really important to trust your feelings and speak up. Their bodies will give them signals when something doesn’t feel right, and it’s okay to listen to those signals. Tell them that they should always feel safe telling a trusted adult—like your parents, your teacher, or another grown-up they trust—about it. 

For example, if a friend or even an adult touches you in a way that makes you uneasy, you can say, “Please stop, I don’t like that,” or simply, “No, I don’t want that.” You don’t have to be afraid to say no or ask for help when you need it. If something doesn’t feel right, you can always come to me, and we’ll make sure you’re safe. Your voice matters, and your feelings are important, so never hesitate to let someone know if something is bothering you.

Remember, you will never get into trouble for telling someone, and it is never your fault if someone touches you inappropriately. Always trust your feelings and know that it’s okay to ask for help when something doesn’t feel right.

 

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