The pressure to be a good mother is a constant one, especially when looking through the lens of society. For many, it may seem like mothers have to do more, and be more, and this can undoubtedly put a lot of pressure on them. Many women are raised with the notion that they have to become perfect mothers in the future.

 

So when it comes time for a woman to turn into a mother, sometimes it can feel like that is their only worth in society. After all, when everyone tells you that your job is to take care of your child and nothing else, how could it be anything different? While the centre of attention during pregnancy is the mother, it can suddenly shift to the child after childbirth.

 

We spoke to Dr. Shreya Chakravarty, psychologist and deputy manager of UR.Life Life Studios about how new mothers can let go of inner expectations, share the load with their partner and more.

 

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Lessons for Mothers on Inner Expectations

• Accept and acknowledge that motherhood is not easy, especially for a new mother. Every mother will have her own unique and different experiences. Motherhood is often chaotic, quite difficult and not so perfect. 
• Take it easy: Post-partum baby blues and anxiety make it very tough for a new mother to take care of herself. A new mom needs to understand that they cannot do everything as they have planned. They must show compassion towards themselves and take others help as and when required.  
• It’s also equally important not to set high expectations. Motherhood is exhaustive, and many times you will be overwhelmed with your new roles and responsibilities. At times you will struggle to let things go and manage between demands. At this point letting go of unrealistic and high expectation will help you to enjoy the journey of motherhood more. 
• Stop worrying unnecessarily: It’s better to focus on how best you can shoulder your motherhood responsibilities. Practice self-care by giving yourself time and patience (take out time to relax and sleep). Talk with others (with similar experiences to you), share your worries with your partner and significant others.

 

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Ultimately, new mothers should set their own realistic expectations. Do not mould yourself to become a supermom because in that way you will be pressurising and stressing yourself. In the end, you will be the one to end up frustrated. It’s best to deal with the blues in a positive way by keeping your mind open. Stop comparing yourself to others. Do not depend on social media for finding answers to your questions and concerns.

 

Sharing the Load with Your Partner

If you’re feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities, it’s important to remind yourself that you’re not alone in this. You have a support system in your partner, and it’s time to share your concerns with them. Here is what you should do, according to Dr. Shreya:

• List out and discuss the things to be done. 
• Divide responsibilities based on available time, preference and nature (breastfeeding can be done by the mother only but diaper changing can be done by both the parents according to their availability). 
• Do not compare and judge, work as a team 
• Spend quality time with each other also
• Enjoy your individual time with your baby
• Stay positive towards one another, through compliments, acts of love and service
• Express when facing a difficulty and resolve it mutually.

 

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Common features of Post-Partum Depression: 

• Depressed mood or severe mood swings 
• Crying too much 
• Difficulty bonding with your baby 
• Withdrawing from family and friends 
• Loss of appetite or eating much more than usual 
• Inability to sleep, called insomnia, or sleeping too much 
• Overwhelming tiredness or loss of energy 
• Less interest and pleasure in activities you used to enjoy 
• Intense irritability and anger 
• Fear that you're not a good mother 
• Hopelessness 
• Feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt or inadequacy 
• Reduced ability to think clearly, concentrate or make decisions 
• Restlessness 
• Severe anxiety and panic attacks 
• Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby 
• Recurring thoughts of death or suicide 

 

How to Manage Your Emotions and Well-Being

• Meet a doctor or get prescribed medication 
• Psychotherapy/Counselling 
• Support Groups 
• Self-Care 
• Family Support

 

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When it comes to real-life superheroes, there’s no doubt that most people will think of their mother first. And that’s because, even when not perfect, mothers can manage more things than an average person. But at the same time, it’s important for mothers, especially new mothers, to know that relying on external support and help isn’t a cry for help. It is choosing the best possible solution for both their and their baby’s well-being. On this Mother’s Day, recognise the need for self-care, and show yourself the same love, compassion and patience as you do to your child.