Mental Health

6 Ways To Help Your Teen Regulate Anxiety

Here are six techniques that can help adolescents and teens cope with anxiety.

By URLife Team

26 Aug 2024

Teenagers often feel anxious because they are going through a lot of changes in their lives. They are adjusting to physical and emotional changes, moving from middle school to high school, and dealing with new responsibilities. The pressure to do well in school and prepare for their future can be overwhelming. Social pressures also play a big role; teens worry about fitting in, dealing with peer pressure, and handling social media comparisons. As they try to figure out who they are and build their self-esteem, they might feel anxious about their body image and personal identity. Family issues and worries about what the future holds can add to their stress. All these factors combined can make teenagers feel anxious and unsure of themselves.

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As a parent, you can help your anxious teenager by integrating positive behaviour into their daily routine. Start by creating a calm and supportive environment where they feel safe expressing their worries. Encourage them to set small, achievable goals and celebrate their successes, no matter how minor they may seem. Offer consistent praise for their efforts and progress, which helps build their confidence and reinforces positive behaviour. Here is what you can do as a parent to integrate your positive behaviour in anxious teenager:

Challenge Kid’s Unhelpful Thinking

According to a 2014 study published by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ (HHS), that when people keep thinking about the same things over and over (which we call "rumination"), it affects how they behave during a mental task or problem-solving situation. Basically, if someone can't stop dwelling on something, it might impact how they perform or act when they're faced with a challenge that requires thinking or concentration.

When your child is feeling distressed, it helps to talk through their worries with them. For example, if they’re thinking, “I’m going to fail my test and then fail my class,” ask them to explain why they feel this way. Understanding their thoughts can help you guide them to see things more clearly. Ask questions like, “Have you failed a test before?” or “What have you done in the past to prepare for a test?” These questions encourage your child to consider their past experiences and challenge their negative thoughts.

Once your child starts to question their unhelpful thinking, help them come up with more realistic thoughts. Instead of focusing on worst-case scenarios, encourage them to think, “Even if I don’t do perfectly, I’ve prepared and will do my best” or “Failing this test doesn’t mean I’ll fail the entire class.” It’s important to avoid unrealistic, overly positive thoughts like, “I’m definitely going to ace this test.” Instead, focus on balanced and realistic thoughts that your child can believe in and use to feel more confident.

Be Supportive But Not Controlling

Being supportive means helping your child deal with their anxiety without taking control of every situation. It’s important to listen carefully and show that you understand their feelings. Just being there and offering empathy can make a big difference. When you talk with your child about different ways to handle their worries, you help them feel more prepared and confident.

For example, if your child feels anxious about being away from home, you can work together to come up with solutions. You might suggest they ask their friend’s mom what time you will pick them up or ask her to give you a call to confirm. Having these kinds of strategies can help your child feel more secure and manage their anxiety better.

Be a Positive Role Model for Your Child

A 2011 study published by the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine found that parents' own anxious behaviours and cognitions may increase the likelihood of similar behaviours and cognitions in their children.

Your child watches how you handle stress and frustration, so it’s important to set a good example. When you stay calm and patient during tough times, you show them how to manage their own feelings in a healthy way. How you speak about challenges and how you react to problems can teach your child a lot about dealing with difficulties. If they see you handling stress with a positive attitude, they are more likely to adopt similar ways of coping.

Taking care of yourself also teaches your child to do the same. When you make time for sleep, exercise, and healthy eating, you set a good example for them to follow. If you practise relaxation techniques like yoga or meditation, they may be inspired to try these for themselves. It’s also important to avoid making negative comments about your own body, as this can affect your child's self-esteem.

Break Tasks into Easy Units

Breaking tasks into smaller steps can make big jobs feel much less overwhelming for your child. Instead of seeing a big project as one huge task, help them divide it into smaller, more manageable parts. For younger children, you might use small rewards, like a sticker or a treat, as they complete each step. These little rewards can make the process feel fun and motivate them to keep going.

For older children, focus on offering praise and encouragement as they make progress. You can help them recognize their own achievements and encourage them to reward themselves in ways they enjoy, like a favourite activity or extra screen time.

Keep Topping Up Your Relationship With Your Child

Think of your relationship with your child like a bank account. Every time you spend time together, share a laugh, or offer support, it’s like making a deposit into this account. These positive moments help build a strong connection and create a sense of security for your child. Just like a bank account needs regular deposits to stay healthy, your relationship benefits from frequent acts of kindness and understanding.

On the other hand, arguments, blame, and criticism are like withdrawals from this account. If you have too many of these negative interactions, it can weaken your bond and make your child feel less secure. To keep your relationship strong and supportive, try to make sure that the positive deposits are much greater than the negative withdrawals.

Embrace Imperfection

A 2021 study published in the journal Children found the adverse consequences of parents’ perfectionism in the lives of youth (children and adolescents). The study found that parents who are always after perfectionism may have an adverse impact on mental health and general well-being of their children.

Everyone makes mistakes, and it's important to handle them in a positive way. When mistakes happen, whether it's something you or your child did, it’s crucial to take responsibility. A good first step is to acknowledge the mistake and think about how you can fix it. For example, if you accidentally break something or miss an important event, apologise and find a way to make it right. This shows your child that making mistakes is normal and that what matters is how you handle them.

Showing self-compassion when you make a mistake helps teach your child to do the same. If you are kind to yourself and don’t get too upset over errors, your child will learn to be more understanding with themselves as well. Apologising when you’re wrong and handling mistakes with a positive attitude keeps your relationship strong and shows your child that everyone makes errors but can always improve.

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