Marriage is often marketed as the happy and romantic ending to every love story. We grow up believing that once we find “the one,” everything else will just fall into place. However, the reality of marriage is far more nuanced. It can be messy, filled with unexpected complications, and at times, downright difficult to navigate. Instead of focusing on a fairy tale fantasy, let’s explore the realistic outlook on marriage. 

 

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Marriage in India has changed drastically over the past couple of decades. Traditionally, marriage was seen as a lifelong commitment, something you stayed in, no matter what. But times are changing. 

 

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The divorce rate in India, though still lower than in Western countries, is steadily rising. According to 2018 data cited in the International Journal of Management, Technology, and Social, states that urban Indian cities like Delhi, Mumbai, and Bangalore are seeing a noticeable increase in divorce filings, especially among younger couples. So, what's driving this shift?

• Changing lifestyles and modern thoughts: First, today's lifestyle is fast-paced. Both partners often work, social lives are busier, and personal space has become more important. While independence is empowering, it also means couples are spending less quality time together. Stress from work, commutes, and financial pressure only adds to the strain.
• Higher expectations from the better half: Secondly, we now expect more from marriage: emotional connection, constant support, shared responsibilities, equal partnership, and romance. These are fair desires, but they also create pressure. When reality doesn’t meet expectations, disappointment creeps in.
• Less tolerance for marital chaos: Many people today are less willing to stay in unhappy or one-sided marriages. That’s not a bad thing, rather, it’s a sign of growing awareness and self-respect. But it also means that when issues aren’t addressed early, the distance between partners can grow quickly.

 

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What is Marriage Based Upon?

We spoke to Dr. Shreya Chakravarty, Deputy Manager, LMTP, UR.Life Studio, Apollo Health City, Jubilee Hills, about the fundamentals of marriage and some harsh truths that people learn later in life. 

Marriage relies on several components, and all of these are essential for a bond to last for a long time. First and foremost, open and honest communication is essential for building trust and reducing misunderstandings in a marriage. Secondly, trust and commitment are vital pillars of a strong marriage. Trust allows reliance on each other, while commitment signifies a mutual agreement to work on the relationship.

One of the most important and overlooked aspects of a healthy marriage is common shared beliefs. Couples who share core beliefs, values, and long-term goals tend to stick with their partner as it strengthens their bond and mutual respect. Additionally, emotional intimacy involves feeling understood and valued. Practising empathy and discussing feelings positively can help maintain connection, even during disagreements. Besides this, respecting each partner's needs, each other's individuality, and boundaries, along with expressing physical affection, is important for a healthy relationship. 

 

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5 Hard Truths About Marriage That People Learn Late in Life

A healthy marriage needs emotional effort and a willingness to grow together. It also involves managing money, household responsibilities, extended family, and individual needs. Dr. Chakravarty directly quoted a very interesting line from an article by Mark Travers, a psychologist who specialises in relationships. According to him, "Marriage is one of the most rewarding yet challenging journeys in life. While we often enter it with high expectations, the reality is that marriage is a lifelong learning process". 

Usually, couples focus only on romance. But the backbone of any lasting marriage lies in small things: how you solve problems, how you talk when you're upset, and how you support each other through stress.

Here are five harsh truths about marriage that no one really talks about:

 

1. Love Alone Is Not Enough

This might come as a shock to most people, but is also the toughest pill to swallow at the same time. Yes, love matters. However, after a certain period, other factors join in like support, trust and respect as only sex or intimacy won’t keep a marriage afloat. Being in a marriage means being more and doing more for your partner. It means being someone who shows up for them. It’s about really seeing their stress, their exhaustion, their dreams, and their silent struggles and hopes. It’s about tuning into what they need, even when they haven’t said it out loud. 

 

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2. People Change With Time—And So Will Your Partner

The person you marry at 27 is not the same person they’ll be at 50. Life experiences, personal growth, career changes, parenthood, all these shape people over time.
Some couples grow together. Others grow apart. If you expect your partner to stay the same forever, you’re setting yourself up for frustration. The real challenge is learning how to grow with each other instead of growing in different directions.

 

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3. Don’t Just Keep Talking, Try To Listen To Your Partner

Many couples think they’re communicating because they talk often. But real communication means understanding what the other person is feeling. Miscommunication leads to resentment. Resentment leads to emotional distance. And once that sets in, it’s hard to come back. Marriage requires consent,  compromises, attention, and respect. One has to work on their communication pattern to make things work for a long time. 

 

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4. Not Everything is About Sex, Intimacy, and Romance

In the beginning, everything feels exciting. You may feel butterflies in your stomach every time you exchange glances. For how long? The reality is that over time, life takes over kids, careers, and responsibilities. Physical intimacy often takes a backseat. That doesn’t mean the marriage is broken, but it does mean both partners need to make an effort. It’s normal for desire to fluctuate. What matters is emotional closeness and finding new ways to reconnect.

 

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5. You Have to Make Your Marriage Work

You may have heard your mother or any older woman saying, ‘You have to give time and nurture your relationship even during tough times’. They are right. Even the happiest couples have tough days. Marriage requires showing up for each other, even when you’re tired, irritated, or overwhelmed. Every single day.  It’s about choosing your partner daily, not just when it’s convenient.

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Acknowledging these truths doesn’t make marriage less beautiful; rather, it makes it more real. Every relationship has ups and downs. But when both partners are willing to grow, communicate, and adapt, marriage can still be one of life’s most meaningful journeys. Whether you're newly married, in a long-term relationship, or thinking about tying the knot, remember it’s okay if things don’t look perfect. What matters most is effort, honesty, and the willingness to face hard truths together.